Is it Rude, is it Mean or is it Bullying?

I don't know about you but I grow weary of the constant reports of students being "bullied."  Now I know there are children who are truly being bullied, who are afraid to come to school, find it difficult to concentrate on their work, have no friends, and are withdrawn and depressed because of the constant abuse of a school bully.  When real bullying occurs, I am the first to advocate for any student in that situation.  I investigate each claim and I do everything I can as a School Counselor to empower and support the student targeted, involve parents and administration who address the situation from a  legal and disciplinary angle, and get help for the bully.

But, that is not what I am talking about here.  The word bullied has become a real hot button.  I know, you know what I mean.  I am talking about those students and parents who call every unpleasant exchange between students bullying.  No matter how few times or infrequently a student experiences an unkind remark, teasing, or physical interaction it is called bullying.  It is a word that is increasingly used to describe any situation where a student has gotten their feelings hurt whether intentionally or unintentionally.  Parents and students utter this word and we spring into action to investigate their report of bullying.  And because of our response, I have come to realize it is a word our students will often utilize when the attention is on them for some wrongdoing. Our students have learned they can instantly control any situation and shift the focus of teachers, and especially their parents, from their troubles if they claim they are being bullied.  What I needed was a way to educate students and their parents about the difference between conflict and bullying.

Last year I came across a wonderful article written in 2012 by Signe Whitson, Licensed Social Worker, School Counselor, author, keynote speaker and Chief Operating Officer of Life Space Crisis Intervention Institute. Many of you may be familiar with her article titled, Is it Rude, Is it Mean or Is it Bullying?  In it she explains  how everything isn't bullying and how many people have difficulty discerning what is and is not bullying.  Signe  also mentions how she first heard best selling children's author Trudy Ludwig  "talk of these distinguishing terms" and  then went on to use them in her own work.  As I read her article I thought, this is what I want my students and parents to know, so I began work on creating a set of classroom lessons.

 Along the way I ran into a bit of trouble with my students failure to comprehend the differences in these terms. So I went straight to the source and contacted Signe myself.  She responded to my email and then gave me her number and invited me to call her.  What an honor to share my experiences and ideas with her.  Signe listened to my concerns regarding my students and their struggles with her vocabulary. She directed me to her website resource page and recommended I use her forced choice activity to help my students think more critically about the definitions of rude, mean, and bullying they were learning.  I did, and they loved it!  I could see them making the connections as they moved from corner to corner in response to Signe's scenarios. They were thinking and questioning and arguing convincingly about how some situations might be mean rather than rude and it would depend on how it was said to a person.  I could see their point.  They were  internalizing the concepts and questioning the dynamics of the scenarios.  It was truly exciting!

My students and have have enjoyed these lessons on "Is it Rude, Is it Mean or Is it Bullying?" Below you will find a brief outline of the 5 lessons I have created, my activity forms and PowerPoint too. I based these lessons on the work of Signe Whitson. I publish them here to share with you with her permission. Please visit Signe Whitson's website for more information about her work on bullying and aggression.

LESSON PLAN FORMS and OVERVIEW  
Click here for  Rude, Mean, Bully lesson plans 
Pre/post test (non-tech option)
Kahoot! link 
Rude vs. Mean vs. Bully PowerPoint
Inappropriate Behaviors Brainstorming sheet
Signe  Whitson's Forced Choice Activity
Rude, Mean, Bully Behavior Statements

Lessons 1:  The pre-test.  For those with technology resources I have created a Kahoot!
(website for game-based learning) for gathering pre/post test data.  I have also include a "non-tech" option (paper and pencil) for those who do not have access to technology.

Lesson 2: A PowerPoint introduction to the rude, mean and bullying vocabulary and a brainstorming activity on thinking of examples of things that are rude, mean, and bullying.

Lesson 3:  Forced Choice Scenarios from Signe Whitson's website resource page.

Lesson 4:  Divide students into groups, print one copy of the "Rude, Mean, Bullying Behavior" statement sheets, cut them up and divide them into stacks. Each group will sort and glue their stack to index cards according to which are rude, mean and bullying. Cards are shared with the class for approval and glued to chart paper to make a tree map poster for the students to take back to class.

Lesson 5:  Post-test using Kahoot! or non-tech option.

I have used these lessons with all my 3rd, 4th and 5th graders (15 classes total) and while their comprehension of the terminology is only at about 70%, there is a vast improvement over the previous number of reports we had regarding bullying. Even though my students aren't there yet, in fully understanding the definition of rude, mean and bullying, they are conscious of the differences. Now when complaints of bullying arise,  I am able to reference these lessons and help my students make a more accurate assessment of their own situation.

I hope you and your students find these lessons helpful. Keep in touch and let me know how your students respond to learning the difference in rude, mean, and bullying.
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Is Being in the Special Area Rotation Right for You?

Call me crazy, but I LOVE being in the Special Area rotation at my school!   Will this schedule work for everyone? No, it depends on the size of your school, your special area scheduling and resources.  Have you been asked to be in the Special Area Rotation?  Don't panic!  Read on about how I've made this decision work for me, the benefits I have experienced, and the questions you should consider if you think you might be interested in experiencing one of the most worthwhile things I have done in years!

How it Works on a Daily Basis
The first thing you must know is I am NOT in the schedule full-time.  I split a 6 class daily schedule with our Media Specialist and each of us does three classes a day. Each class is 45 minutes long so that comes out to only 2 hours and 15 minutes.  I still have 2 hours and 45 minutes to see students individually or in group and that takes into account I actually  take my ever elusive lunch and planning period of 30 minutes each.

Our special area schedule is divided into A week and B week.  On A week, I have the first 3 classes of the day (grades 2,1,and 4) and Media has the last 3 classes of the day (grades K,3,5).  That means I am finished with class by 11:00 and have the rest of the day for lunch groups, individuals or whatever I need. On B week I have the last 3 classes of the day and Media has the first 3 classes.  With this schedule I am free from 8:00 to 11:35 and have classes until the end of the day at 2:00. Teachers get a calendar labeling the weeks A and B to help them keep track. If a class falls on a holiday, or a class goes on a field trip the lesson is missed the same as if it were Art, Music, or PE.  When I have to be out, I get a half day sub and prepare a sub appropriate video with activity or coloring sheet for my classes. I am not comfortable leaving my regular lessons for a sub! I never miss an important meeting, conference, or professional development opportunity.

I have my own classroom which is wonderful and since teachers are not in the room for the lesson, I take the last few minutes of the class when the teacher comes to pick up the students to summarize the lesson, highlighting any important vocabulary or concepts I would like for them to reinforce.

Benefits
1) Scheduling!
Before being in the specials rotation, I had to chase down teachers to schedule my classroom lessons. What a frustration and a waste of time! In the days prior to high stakes testing, it was relatively easy to get in the classroom for lessons and pull students for groups at anytime.  In addition to high stakes testing, We have Common Core, and teacher evaluations based on student performance. This makes taking students out of class or scheduling classroom counseling lessons nearly impossible.  Teachers are extremely protective of all their instructional time and at my school they were all asking for the last 30 minutes on Friday for their lesson! You know how squirrely those lessons would be!  Being in the rotation gives me regular access to students and a ready made schedule.  No more chasing teachers to sign-up or walking into classes where the teacher says, "Oh, we have you today?  We were just headed out for recess," or "I forgot you were coming, we're taking a test."

2) Knowing All Your Students
I think this is the best part.  My school has about 580 students and I am able to get to know them ALL and they know me.  When I see students for individual counseling we have a frame of reference from classroom lessons that allows us to apply previously learned concepts and ideas.  Whether a small problem or crisis counseling, all students have a large "bank" of skills from which to draw from our work together in class.  They "get" what I am talking about and referencing from class lessons and activities.  This creates a more productive individual counseling time and reinforces the problem solving skills of students.

3) More Services, More Students, Less Time
This is another reason I love being in the specials schedule!  It is the best way to deliver the most services to the greatest number of students for the least amount of time.  In a comprehensive school counseling program ASCA states, "Every student gets everything." Classroom counseling is the most effective way to deliver those lessons deemed essential by your school data.  The ASCA recommendation of 80% direct/indirect services to students includes classroom counseling, but at no specified percentage.  My 15 classes a week only has me spending 56.2% of my time with my students.  I still have 43.8% of my day remaining in which to see groups and individuals.  By seeing all classes twice a month I am able to cover a wide range of topics from social skills to bullying to career education  to personal safety.  Not only does every student get everything, but I feel our regular lesson schedule gives my students the time to also explore and practice these skills.

4) Taking Classroom Lessons to a Deeper Level
The opportunity to really explore a topic with my students is another thing I especially love about being in the special area schedule!  Rather than 1 bully lesson and 1 RRW lesson in the fall, I was able to go much deeper. I did 4 lessons on bullying and cyberbullying and 3 lessons on healthy living and peer pressure. We were able to discuss topics and try activities I would never have had the opportunity to do otherwise.  Because of my regular classroom schedule I have been able to pilot 2 different Personal Safety curriculums in grades K-3 and dedicate 8 sessions to thoroughly training my student mediators. Before being in the special area schedule, lessons felt rushed and like I was only scratching the surface of a topic.  With more class lessons, I can take the time to engage students in meaningful conversation and role play rather than rushing to finish a topic in 30-40 minutes.  It's amazing the things students come up with and share when you have the luxury of time to allow them to explore a topic.

5) No Extra Duties!!!
No, maybe this is the BEST part!  Since I am part of the the special area schedule that rotates each week, it was impossible for my Principal to put me on any kind of cafeteria, playground, or testing duty.  She tried a few times then realized, "No, you can't do that you have class."  You know, I would do classsroom lessons anyway, but choosing to put those lessons in the specials schedule has eliminated my availability for non-counselor related duties. Awesome!!!

6) Administration Learns the Meaning of Emergencies
Prior to being in the special area rotation, I would often get called to the office to help with "emergencies."  Only about 99 times out of a 100 the calls were not counseling emergencies, but discipline cases that administration did not want to deal with.  I don't know about you, but I want to stay as far away from discipline as possible.  Yes, I am happy to follow up with a student after the referral and consequence phase to develop a plan for the future. However, I DO NOT want to be there when the student is "getting in trouble with administration." It is important for administration to understand real emergencies are those regarding potential threats of harm to self or others, a mental health crisis, abuse/neglect, or family traumas.

Counselor Concerns
1) Handling Real Counseling Emergencies
I know lots of School Counselors hate being in the specials rotation because they feel it prevents them from responding to a student crisis.  However, my question is what do you do now when you are in a class or a group and such a crisis comes up?  What happens then?  In my school, if it is a real counseling emergency, my administration will send someone to cover for me like the AP, media specialist, a teacher with an intern, or the academic coach.  Other situations that are serious but not of an urgent nature, were handled after class.

2) Managing Classroom Behavior
Some School Counselors have concerns about teachers being out of the room and having to manage the class.  This does not have to be an issue.  I have my own classroom, therefore I have my own expectations, rules, and procedures.  Even if you are going into a teacher's classroom, establishing your own behavioral expectations is important for good classroom management.  It is also a lot easier than trying to remember the different rules and procedures for 34 different classes. 

I have heard School Counselors express concerns about having to be a classroom disciplinarian and how it is contrary to being a School Counselor.  I agree, that is why I manage my classroom the same way I parent my children with love and specifically communicated expectations for behavior. We are a PBIS school and I teach and re-teach my students our school-wide behavioral expectations and what is expected in my classroom. Because I am constantly reinforcing Perform personal best, Act responsibility, Work and play safely and Show respect and reminding the students in a positive way what that looks and sounds like I have few behavior problems.  For more ideas about classroom management check out my post about Positive Behavior Cones, 3 Simple Ideas for Managing Classroom Behavior, the  PBIS website, CHAMPS  by Randy Sprick or Doug Lemov's book, Teach Like a Champion.

3) So Many Lessons, So Much Planning
First let me say, stay calm.  Don't try to plan a separate lesson for every single topic in every single grade level.That is a recipe for burn-out or insanity.  Plan two lessons, one primary, one intermediate for each topic. That's year one. You will get to do these lessons numerous times and really make them your own, figuring out what works and what doesn't at each grade level. In year 2, create two more for each topic, building on what you created the year before, doing the new lesson for everyone who previously heard year one's lessons.  In year 3, create two more lessons for each topic, again teaching it to those who have heard the previous lessons for year 1 and 2.  And now, you have a separate lesson for each grade level and quite possibly, your sanity as well.
Here is a link to a post about exploring free lesson resources on the web.

4) Teacher Does Not Hear the Lesson
In a perfect world teachers, parents, and administrators would all reinforce the fabulous lessons and concepts we teach.  However, I feel like these people are adults with relatively good life skills and they don't have to hear all the basic details of my lessons.  A nice summary at the end before returning the class to the teacher or an email or hand-out of lesson highlights is sufficient.  If it is a lesson that is being shared across the grade levels or school-wide, where you are introducing a new skill set or vocabulary to all the students, then sharing a 5 minute explanation at faculty meeting can be just as effective.

5) This is NOT Why I Became a School Counselor
Many School Counselors have stated "This is not why I became a Counselor." And I agree.  To a point.  ASCA tells us an important part of a comprehensive school counseling program is providing counseling for ALL students.  If I spend the majority of my time with individuals and small groups I am not providing a comprehensive program that meets the needs of ALL.  ASCA does not specify the percentage of time to spend in each of the direct services to students, but tells us that is to be determined by the School Counselor based on the needs of the school as indicated by the data and the school size.

Questions to Ask
Interested in being in the specials rotation but still not sure it is right for you? Here are some questions you should consider and discuss with your administration before deciding if this is something you would like to try at your school.

Do I enjoy sharing classroom counseling?
Do I have good classroom management skills?  
Do I have enough curriculum?  
Are there resources for purchasing curriculum?
Will I be allowed to choose my lesson topics and curriculum?
Do I have a bank of lessons from which to draw?
Will I have a classroom or be expected to travel from room to room?
If I am traveling will I always be allowed to access the technology in the classroom?
Will I be in the schedule half-day or all day?
Will I have input about what the schedule will look like?
What will our procedure be in the event of a student emergency?
What will happen with the special area schedule during state testing time?
What provisions will be made for the School Counselor absence in case of illness, workshop, or personal time?
What is the expectation for classes missed due to school holidays or school- wide events?
What if the arrangement isn't working? How long will we give it and how will we handle removing the School Counselor from the schedule?

Choosing to be in the special area rotation was a big decision for me and one I have not regretted.  It has allowed me to control my calendar, protected me from extraneous non-counselor duties, and has gotten me out of handling "student emergencies" that were really disciplinary situations and not a counseling crisis.  In many ways being in the special area schedule has simplified and enhanced my services to students and allowed me to provide a more comprehensive school counseling program.

I would be interested to hear your experiences about being in the special area rotation.  What benefits or issues have you seen?  Please feel free to post below or on the Exploring School Counseling Facebook page.

The Marshmallow Challenge

Looking for a great activity, good anytime, but especially great as we all try to survive these last few days to Christmas break?  I recently participated in The Marshmallow Challenge at a district School Counselor meeting and knew right away I had to take it back to school to share with my boys and girls.  The Marshmallow Challenge is an awesome way to actively engage your students while teaching teamwork, cooperation, thinking skills, sportsmanship, perseverance, kindness, planning ahead, problem solving, peer pressure, inclusion, consensus, fairness, time management and more.

The Marshmallow Challenge is simple.  Teams of 4 are challenged to build the tallest, free-standing structure using 20 pieces of spaghetti, one yard of masking tape, one yard of string or yarn, and a marshmallow (regular size, not mini or jumbo) in 18 minutes and the marshmallow must be on top.  I played a Christmas Party Mix CD and used a digital countdown clock I found on the internet to keep give the students a visual of their remaining time.  The excitement, frustration, and collaboration was amazing.  After 18 minutes, I walked around with my yardstick measuring any completed, free standing structures with the marshmallow on top. The height of the winning structure was recorded on my chalkboard for all the classes who followed to see.

When I started The Marshmallow Challenge this past week  I had no idea what to expect as my students participated in this activity, but as the week progressed several scenarios repeated themselves.  In this challenge I saw surprising leaders emerge. Students I had considered quiet or passive and students who struggled academically were taking the lead in successful planning and building. I observed groups who were slow, methodical, precise, and conservative with materials and some who were too scared to start. Then there were the groups who started cutting tape and string and pasta without an inkling of a plan or any conversation with their team. These were usually my students with ADHD and even though they had used all their materials and created nothing with still 10 minutes to go they were perfectly happy.  I had teams who successfully created a free-standing structure with plenty of time to spare, but had leftover materials and just couldn't leave well enough alone.  They continued to touch, manipulate and add to their structure until it fell over.  I had tables of individuals who all set out to create their own  individual structure without referring to their team. There were the usual complaints of they won't listen to my ideas or they won't let me do anything. As these complaints came up I reminded the boys and girls just because the group didn't build it your way doesn't mean they didn't listen to your ideas.  And just because you are not the one holding the spaghetti does not mean you are not doing anything.  What are you doing to participate?

My students loved this activity and we have generated some excellent discussions as we processed our experiences at the conclusion.  We rated ourselves and our team on cooperation, discussed what type of group member we were,  the problems we encountered with construction, what contributed to our success or failure as a group, the biggest surprise or most unexpected thing about the activity, and what they learned about themselves. Their insights astounded me.  Check out my lesson plan here.

As I reflected on the week there were a couple of important changes I made along the way.  At first, I randomly seated students when they entered my room, but after the first day of classes, I started carefully selecting my groups of students.  I was interested to discover what types of groups had the greatest success.  I created single gender groups and mixed gender groups, groups with all dominant personalities and all students with ADHD.   I found single gender groups of girls had more relationship issues and the guys just went all in and didn't have one person that tried to run the show. The mixed gender groups were more dependent on the individual leadership of the student rather than gender.  My SLD students were usually the best builders and idea people and my poor little guys and gals with ADHD ended up with a pile of wadded up tape and dozens of little chopped up pieces of string and pasta.  Another change I made was to stop announcing there would be a prize for the group with the tallest structure.  The idea of a prize seemed to cause too much stress and ill-will for those who were super competitive and were bent on winning. The focus was more on, "We're not going to win!" rather than on trying to build something as a team.  Instead, I said nothing about prizes, but as each class left I would offer a candy cane or Christmas pencil to the winning team.



To find out more about  The Marshmallow Challenge  check out their website and watch the TED talk video embedded there.  You will learn how this challenge began and has since been used with people from Kindergarteners to CEOs.  Have you ever used The Marshmallow Challenge or similar team building activities?  If so, please share your experiences with me.

Merry Christmas!