Julia Cook Book Give-away!

Julia Cook is an elementary school counselor's best friend.  Her books make difficult topics easy to share and discuss with children at all grade levels.  While continuing to write new books, Julia is offering an updated version of an old favorite, Bully B.E.A.N.S.  In this revision of Bully B.E.A.N.S., the 10 year old book  gets a make-over with beautifully updated artwork by  illustrator Tammie Lyons

Inside is the same great story, of how students learn to speak up and handle classroom bully Mean Maxine.  At the end of the book are tips for those who are being bullied, have friends being bullied, and even for those who might think they are a bully.

Join Julia as she tells the story of Mean Maxine and how she bullies her classmates. Learn how one student with the help of her mom, some positive strategies for handling bullies, and a bag of Bully Beans for courage, teach the students in Maxine's class to stand tall and stand together.  The "magic" jelly beans remind kids everywhere they have the power to stop bullies.  "The B.E.A.N.S. in Bully Beans stand for Bullies Everywhere Are Now Stopped."  Using the courage from the "magic" beans the students stand up to Maxine and put an end to her bullying. They even share some bully B.E.A.N.S. with Maxine to try at home on her brother who bullies her.

To purchase the revision of  Bully B.E.A.N.S.  you can find it on Amazon and at the National Center for Youth Issues.

To learn more about author Julia Cook and her many great books click HERE.

Four Books to Share, Four Ways to Win!
Thanks to the National Center for Youth Issues, I have 4 copies of Bully B.E.A.N.S. to share. To enter to win your copy Bully B.E.A.N.S., leave your comments by midnight eastern daylight time Wednesday, September 25.  Winners will be announced on Thursday September 26.

1) Leave a comment below the blog post describing your favorite strategy for helping your students cope with bullies.
2) Leave a comment on the Exploring School Counseling Facebook page describing your favorite strategy for helping your students cope with bullies.
3) Leave a comment on the Elementary School Counselor Exchange Facebook page describing your favorite strategy for helping your students cope with bullies.
4) Leave a comment on the School Counselor Store Facebook page describing your favorite strategy for helping your students cope with bullies.

UPDATE!!! Our 4 winners are Liz Brittnacher, Stephanie Kirland Gibson, Ashley Ann and Shirley Topia. Please direct message me with your home address. Thank you all for your wonderful comments!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Grown-up Bullies

 

Three years ago my parents decided to move into an assisted living facility (ALF) while they were still able to make their own decisions, get around, and make new friends.  My dad was the gregarious, outgoing one, he never forgot a name or a face.  That man could talk to a post.  My mom is the meek, quiet one who depended on Dad to meet people and provide the friendships in their couple relationship. Unfortunately, just one short year after moving into the ALF my dad passed away leaving my mom to figure out the friendship thing on her own. Mom is trying. She puts herself out there each day in the dining room, at the Bingo table, and on the facility bus trips around town. It is her experiences in each of these situations that  have brought to the front of my consciousness the fact there are grown-up bullies. Whether it is the nasty comments by a child hating table mate when my Mom had her great grandson of 8 have dinner with her, or the saving of seats at Bingo and telling my Mom you can't sit here, this seat is for "Velma" (who never comes), or the rude comments, to her face, because Mom took the full 90 minutes scheduled for the Wal-Mart bus run when the other residents were ready to go in 60. I help kids with this sort of thing everyday, but I was unprepared to help my Mom deal with her bullies.

Now you are probably thinking, I knew there were adult bullies I work with several or listened to one rant on the phone last week.   Of course, you can  just turn on the TV or listen to talk radio and find bullies too.  I guess I always thought of those things as adults with opposite views loudly expressing their opinions.  Although I know bullies are not just children making fun of or excluding one another, it was my mother's predicament that got me thinking about the bullies at every age and the grown-up bullies I realized I have dealt with this past school year.

As I considered my Mom's experiences, and my own, I came up with 4 types of adult bullies I have dealt with this year. Your experiences, however, may have taught you there are more.

The Boss:   This person thinks they are the boss of you, the teachers, the school. and well, the world actually.  They "know" what is right for you and everyone else and are not afraid to tell you to your face.  They point out everything that is wrong with a situation, but fail to take any responsibility for their part in it. They are part of the problem, never part of the solution.   I think of a recent phone call with a mom regarding the "bullying" of her daughter.  This parent DEMANDS I set up a meeting with the offending child and her mother so they can all meet and deal with this. She tells me there is no law that prevents me from doing that. And I will do it. Now you and I both know THAT is a recipe for disaster!  This mom was quite insistent until I quoted district and state statute about the process for handling complaints of bullying.  Then she backed down.  Strategy:  Remain calm and know your state and district policies.  Always do what's best for all kids no matter what the adults want. 

The Condescender: This is the most closed-minded of bullies.  They are visibly angry most of the time and their tone of voice is frightening. Everyone who is different than them is a target.  Whatever your gender, race, ethnicity, or socio-economic status, it doesn't matter.  If you are different than the Condescender you are a target for verbal abuse and ridicule. My poor intern and I had to meet with a family where the dad was a Condescender.  She was quite sure he would pull out a gun and shoot us, he was really that hostile.  Very little was addressed about the problem with his child, but we heard plenty about all the other "losers" in our school and in the world. Now personally, I love this kind of conference.  I take it as a personal challenge to turn the situation around.  Did I change this Condescender? No, but we were able to reach an understanding.  Strategy:  Show no fear, be the best listener you can be, and find some common ground you can agree on. It is not important to be right.

The Thug:  This bully is not necessarily a thug like you might think of in a stereo-typical-criminal sort of way.  I use the term to denote power, might, and intimidation. Like an enforcer.  This person may be physically large or hold an important position in the school or community, or think they do.  When meeting with you they refuse to sit, but rather stand over you looking down, making references about who they know, who will hear about this meeting, what their attorney has said, and which TV station they are going to call.  Stategies: Always match their posture whether sitting or standing, listen more than you talk, remain calm, take notes, and only say things you can back up. Remember, in most cases, it's all just a lot of  talk.

The Sneak:  This bully is a very dangerous grown-up bully.  The trouble with the Sneak is you don't know about them until it is too late. This person is nice to your face, always polite and respectful. You may not see this person as a friend, maybe more like a friendly acquaintance, but you certainly don't see them for the toxic "pot stirrer" that they are.  However, what is said behind your back, in emails, texts, Facebook, and in private conversations to other faculty or parents is shocking.  You wonder what did I do to them?  Maybe they didn't get their way, they don't like the way you responded to a situation, or who knows?  Maybe they have issues of their own or just like the attention.  After all, why does anyone bully?  Strategies: Stay out of the fray.  Maintain your dignity, rise above their petty gossip, and trust that your honest and trustworthy actions speak for themselves. 

Have you encountered grown-up bullies?  At home, at work, in life?  Maybe you just thought of them as difficult colleagues or parents. How would you describe those you have met in your role as a School Counselor or even as member of the grown-up world?   It's easy to get discouraged and feel threatened in our jobs and personal lives by these bullies.  I know that's how my Mom feels. Now she just wants to hide in her apartment and not come out. So what did I tell my Mom?  What any good School Counselor  and daughter would say. Stand up for yourself, use your words, and stay strong! I'm here if you need me!

Is it Rude, is it Mean or is it Bullying?

I don't know about you but I grow weary of the constant reports of students being "bullied."  Now I know there are children who are truly being bullied, who are afraid to come to school, find it difficult to concentrate on their work, have no friends, and are withdrawn and depressed because of the constant abuse of a school bully.  When real bullying occurs, I am the first to advocate for any student in that situation.  I investigate each claim and I do everything I can as a School Counselor to empower and support the student targeted, involve parents and administration who address the situation from a  legal and disciplinary angle, and get help for the bully.

But, that is not what I am talking about here.  The word bullied has become a real hot button.  I know, you know what I mean.  I am talking about those students and parents who call every unpleasant exchange between students bullying.  No matter how few times or infrequently a student experiences an unkind remark, teasing, or physical interaction it is called bullying.  It is a word that is increasingly used to describe any situation where a student has gotten their feelings hurt whether intentionally or unintentionally.  Parents and students utter this word and we spring into action to investigate their report of bullying.  And because of our response, I have come to realize it is a word our students will often utilize when the attention is on them for some wrongdoing. Our students have learned they can instantly control any situation and shift the focus of teachers, and especially their parents, from their troubles if they claim they are being bullied.  What I needed was a way to educate students and their parents about the difference between conflict and bullying.

Last year I came across a wonderful article written in 2012 by Signe Whitson, Licensed Social Worker, School Counselor, author, keynote speaker and Chief Operating Officer of Life Space Crisis Intervention Institute. Many of you may be familiar with her article titled, Is it Rude, Is it Mean or Is it Bullying?  In it she explains  how everything isn't bullying and how many people have difficulty discerning what is and is not bullying.  Signe  also mentions how she first heard best selling children's author Trudy Ludwig  "talk of these distinguishing terms" and  then went on to use them in her own work.  As I read her article I thought, this is what I want my students and parents to know, so I began work on creating a set of classroom lessons.

 Along the way I ran into a bit of trouble with my students failure to comprehend the differences in these terms. So I went straight to the source and contacted Signe myself.  She responded to my email and then gave me her number and invited me to call her.  What an honor to share my experiences and ideas with her.  Signe listened to my concerns regarding my students and their struggles with her vocabulary. She directed me to her website resource page and recommended I use her forced choice activity to help my students think more critically about the definitions of rude, mean, and bullying they were learning.  I did, and they loved it!  I could see them making the connections as they moved from corner to corner in response to Signe's scenarios. They were thinking and questioning and arguing convincingly about how some situations might be mean rather than rude and it would depend on how it was said to a person.  I could see their point.  They were  internalizing the concepts and questioning the dynamics of the scenarios.  It was truly exciting!

My students and have have enjoyed these lessons on "Is it Rude, Is it Mean or Is it Bullying?" Below you will find a brief outline of the 5 lessons I have created, my activity forms and PowerPoint too. I based these lessons on the work of Signe Whitson. I publish them here to share with you with her permission. Please visit Signe Whitson's website for more information about her work on bullying and aggression.

LESSON PLAN FORMS and OVERVIEW  
Click here for  Rude, Mean, Bully lesson plans 
Pre/post test (non-tech option)
Kahoot! link 
Rude vs. Mean vs. Bully PowerPoint
Inappropriate Behaviors Brainstorming sheet
Signe  Whitson's Forced Choice Activity
Rude, Mean, Bully Behavior Statements

Lessons 1:  The pre-test.  For those with technology resources I have created a Kahoot!
(website for game-based learning) for gathering pre/post test data.  I have also include a "non-tech" option (paper and pencil) for those who do not have access to technology.

Lesson 2: A PowerPoint introduction to the rude, mean and bullying vocabulary and a brainstorming activity on thinking of examples of things that are rude, mean, and bullying.

Lesson 3:  Forced Choice Scenarios from Signe Whitson's website resource page.

Lesson 4:  Divide students into groups, print one copy of the "Rude, Mean, Bullying Behavior" statement sheets, cut them up and divide them into stacks. Each group will sort and glue their stack to index cards according to which are rude, mean and bullying. Cards are shared with the class for approval and glued to chart paper to make a tree map poster for the students to take back to class.

Lesson 5:  Post-test using Kahoot! or non-tech option.

I have used these lessons with all my 3rd, 4th and 5th graders (15 classes total) and while their comprehension of the terminology is only at about 70%, there is a vast improvement over the previous number of reports we had regarding bullying. Even though my students aren't there yet, in fully understanding the definition of rude, mean and bullying, they are conscious of the differences. Now when complaints of bullying arise,  I am able to reference these lessons and help my students make a more accurate assessment of their own situation.

I hope you and your students find these lessons helpful. Keep in touch and let me know how your students respond to learning the difference in rude, mean, and bullying.
.

Teaching Students to Report vs Tattle vs Let it go!

Another of my favorite primary grade bully lessons is based on the book Nobody Knew What to Do, by Becky Ray McCain.  In this book the storyteller watches Ray, a boy in his class, be bullied daily.  But our storyteller doesn't know what to do, so he stands by helplessly until the end of the story.  In this lesson we focus on how hurting someone's body is mean and not okay, what we can do to help, and how we can do it. Partner sharing and role play are important parts of this lesson.

Check out the lesson plan here


Reporting versus Tattling
Nobody Knew What to Do sets the stage to move smoothly into a follow-up lesson on reporting versus tattling and adding the concept of  "Let it go." (I was doing this lesson long before, Frozen.)  Primary age children often find it difficult to understand when they are tattling.  Developmentally, they are very concerned with following the rules and when they see someone breaking the rules, they feel the need to inform someone. Of course in their effort to show you they know what the rules are and they are following them, we end up with lots of tattling.  In this lesson, the difference in reporting and tattling is introduced in a chart.  American Sign Language sign for ignore and practice it as a series of situations are read to them.   Role playing and a card sort activity with a variety of situations on mats titled "REPORT/LET IT GO" help students consider if they know when to report and when to "let it go!"  The importance of following rules is discussed, as well as what to do when people do not follow the rules. Students learn if no one is being hurt we need to "let it go."

My students and I have enjoyed these lessons.  I hope you and your students will too!

The lessons shared today are based on lessons from the book, How to Bullyproof Your Classroom by Caltha Crowe.  This Responsive Classroom book is one of my favorites and is an excellent resource to have in your counselor library. I highly recommend the purchase of this book. Not only does it contain 10 wonderful literature based lessons about bullying at the end, but it is filled with important and practical ideas for sharing with teachers on how they can address mean behaviors in the classroom before they become bully behaviors.

Bullying Lessons for Primary and Intermediate Grades

October is Bully Prevention Month, so I wanted to share a few of my favorite lessons with you.  I love using literature in my classroom lessons and these three do just that.

The first lesson is for Kindergarten and first grade and possibly for second grade too. It is based on the book Chrysanthemum by Kevin Henkes.  The children love this story, acting out the vocabulary words and becoming part of action.  In this lesson we focus on how teasing and calling names is mean and not okay. I got the idea from a great book called Bullyproof Your Classroom by Caltha Crowe.

For 2nd and 3rd grade I like the book Aloha Potter by Linda Talley.

The lesson is about a little angelfish named Potter who is bullied by a crab, Alakuma.  Potter and his friends try various things for handling the bully crab and find some ways work better than others. In the end, Potter and his friends learn some important strategies for handling bullies.  Included with this lesson are solution cards, bully statements and solution posters I created to go with this story.
Marsh Media now has lesson guides and a DVD to go along with this book.

For my students in fourth and fifth grade I like the book Just Kidding by Trudy Ludwig. DJ is constantly teased by Vincent and each time Vincent responds with the phrase, "I was just kidding!"  I don't know about you, but I hear that phrase nearly every day.

This is actually a two part lesson.  The first lesson is an activity titled,"It Depends."  Students are divided into small groups to brainstorm a list of words, gestures, and physical actions students use when "just kidding" and when bullying.  I love this activity because once the groups start sharing their lists you really see the light bulbs coming on in their heads. The lesson concludes with a writing prompt to be completed after the lesson for use in the next classroom counseling visit.

During the second lesson I read the book Just Kidding.  After we discuss the story, I read aloud their writing prompts.  Without using names or identifying information, I read sections of the prompts to the class and we try to determine if the writer had been bullied or if someone was just kidding.
I have also taken their scenarios and made short sentence strips and done a sorting activity by groups where they have to determine if it's bullying, just kidding, or need more information.  Students begin to realize you can't always tell the difference and saying something is a joke makes it no less painful. What may be a joke to you may be emotionally devastating to another person.  Learning to empathize in these situations and recognize the difference in bullying and joking is an important step towards stopping bullying.


I hope these lesson ideas are something you can use during Bully Prevention month.  What sort of Bully Prevention lessons and activities do you use with your students?  Please share below, I would love hear what you are doing.